Friday, July 22, 2011

This Is Why We Don't Have Nice Things...

I'm a dog.  I like to chew things to make my world a better place.  I am a very adept chewer. I use my paws and teeth to do such things as...

1. the cat door to escape the kitchen:

The secret here is that the latch to the cat door
is spring loaded.  Grab it in your mouth and pull
 to the side while pushing against the door. Et viola!

2. the zipper on the throw pillow:

I'd like to point out that though I did pull apart some of the trim,
that was an accident.  I was trying to open the zipper.  And I did.
It's just that I had to grip with my paws and teeth, and sometimes,
that makes things fall apart. Oops.

3. ...tear my new toy to shreds in under 24 hours:

Chewing happily yesterday evening...
Tearing away the pink felt earlier this morning...
Shredding the tennis ball into little bite size pieces as this posts...
In my defense, I don't typically go out and seek human possessions to destroy.  I chewed the golf umbrellas a few weeks ago because they were left out.  I took the takeout menus off the fridge and tore them to shreds because they were hanging on the bottom half of the fridge, which just wasn't smart.  I chewed up the bag of supplies from Hunger Games camp because Matthew took it and put it right on the kitchen counter (even though NOTHING belonged in the kitchen, which I knew, and is why I rooted around in it and chewed some stuff up!).  And until Alicia stops putting the dishtowel on the front of the oven, I am going to make it my business to grab it and run into the living room with it every chance I get!

Yup.  I even grabbed it while she was typing this post for me.
So, in conclusion, THIS is why we don't have nice things:
One tennis ball down.  One to go.


  1. Molly M., you won't remember this, but your person Alicia might: in 2003 or so, a library vendor started making books that were supposed to be *so completely indestructible* that if somehow something happened to one, a library could send it back and get a free replacement. We ordered some at the library where I worked, and a few weeks later a patron brought one back COMPLETELY DESTROYED and guessed it...that her puppy had gotten a hold of it. (The puppy in question was a German shepherd, not a pit bull/terrier mix like you, but I'm sure you would've been up to the challenge.) In any case I think that vendor stopped guaranteeing books' indestructibility shortly after that.

  2. Ha! I don't remember those books. I'm sure Molly would ensure the complete and utter destruction of the book - but only if it were left out. She doesn't (yet, at least) go after the stack of magazines on the coffee table, the blankets in the basket or anything in the bookcase. She does attack the mail when it gets dropped through the slot and believes the kitchen counters are her territory though, so we have to be careful there.

  3. p.s. I just shared this entry with my mom (who's enjoying following Molly's escapades too),and she asks if you've tried putting the gate up upside down? That would make it harder to get out the cat door. (It would also make it harder to operate from the human POV, though. And overall my mom's opinion is that a dog who's outwitted the gate this many times is going to continue to outwit it no matter what you do. But may be worth a thought.)