Tuesday, November 29, 2011

(P)Up All Night

I'm a dog.

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and wasn't feeling well.  Here's what happened:

4:00am: Wake up with a tummy ache and begin crying.
4:10am: My cries finally reach Matthew and Alicia, who are upstairs sleeping.
4:14am: Since I won't stop crying, Matthew comes downstairs to see what's the matter.
4:16am: After hopping out of my crate and bouncing around the room for about a minute, Matthew can't figure out what's wrong.  I'm trying to ask him to take me outside, but he thinks I want to play.  He tells me it's bedtime, and puts me back in my crate.
4:17am: I begin crying again.
4:17am: Matthew and Alicia begin telling me, "No" from upstairs.
4:20am: I can no longer bear my tummy ache, and explosively poop all over my bed, crate and puppy self.
4:21am: Matthew starts down the stairs and is overwhelmed by the smell of poop.  He rushes to my crate and gets me out to the kitchen, calling for Alicia.
4:22am: Alicia comes downstairs and sees me covered in poop.  She helps Matthew wipe me down.  They keep apologizing profusely for not understanding that I was begging them to take me out so that I wouldn't mess myself and my bed.
4:25am: Matthew takes me outside, where I get the last bit of diarrhea out of my bum and eat a lot of grass.
4:25am: Alicia begins the terrifyingly stinky task of cleaning everything up.  She picks up poop bits off the carpet with her fingers (as paper towels weren't delicate enough and would've smeared it in).  She wipes down the crate with paper towels.  She pulls the bed out and unzips the cover.  She wipes the poop juice off the inner bed.  She brings the poopy cover up to the bathtub and rinses all the poop down the drain.
4:40am: Matthew and I return from outside.  We go right upstairs and into the bathtub to get me fully bathed. The whole time, he tells me what a good girl I am.  I still don't want to take a bath.
4:55am: Alicia gets a bucket of hot soapy water and wipes down the entire crate.
5:00am: Matthew and Alicia towel me off, telling me over and over again how sorry they are and how much they love me.
5:10am: I'm dry and sleepy and I still feel sick.  I curl up on my chair to go to sleep.
5:13am: Alicia offers to sleep downstairs with me, since she has to get up at 6:30 anyway.
5:15am: Matthew snuggles onto the couch to sleep in the living room with me and make sure I'm okay.
5:15am: Alicia snuggles back into bed, hoping to get some sleep.
6:30am: Matthew comes upstairs, Alicia wakes up and starts getting ready for work.
7:00am: Alicia wakes me up and takes me on a walk.  I'm sleepy, but happy.  I feel better.
7:15am: Back from the walk, I hop right back on my chair and go to sleep.
11:00am: I rouse myself from sleep to get a drink of water and snack on a little peanut butter.  I'm planning to sleep the rest of the day.

And I did.

I'm feeling much better now.  I've had a scoop of kibble, some hot dog, some cheese and some green beans. If I'm not eating or out on a walk, I'm asleep.