Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Few of My LEAST Favorite Things: Car Rides and Crate Training

I'm a dog. I thought I'd outsmarted my humans for good with this whole crating and baby gating business, but it looks like they've called in reinforcements.  I'd heard them talk about going to pick up a new crate from a friend, but I didn't put much stock in it, since I'd cry and they'd let me out anyway.  Things were going just as I'd hoped when they put me in the kitchen and baby gated me in as they went out for a bit.  Then I realized that they'd put the gates a few inches off the ground.  Guess I wouldn't be scaling them.  But you know what they* say, "if you can't go over it, you gotta go under it."  And so I did.

I see myself kind of like the great escape artist, Houdini.  Lock me up and throw away the key.  I'll get out! And then I'll pee on the floor. Serves them right for not taking me out before leaving and then locking me up.  Needless to say, they weren't happy when they got home and Alicia went back out to get the new crate.

Alicia pulled my new crate out of the box, and as she worked to put it together and position it properly, I hid behind the couch.  I don't like metallic sounds and I definitely don't like crates.  I was steering clear of this bad boy.  But then, Alicia put my water - my beloved water! - in the crate. I cautiously went over and drank from my bowl.  No door closings, so I was in the clear.  By the end of the night I'd snacked on hot dogs and kibble and lapped up a bunch of water in the crate, and nobody tried to lock me in.   When it was time for bed they even let me sleep on my bed out in the middle of the living room. I'd outsmarted them again!

Then, while they slept, I pooped and peed on the living room floor. At the time I thought I was sticking it to them.  Alicia's face as she cleaned up my mess this morning, however, showed me that this fight wasn't yet over.  Just as I was settling in for my mid-morning nap, she stirred me, suggesting we go outside.  Before I knew what was happening, she'd walked me to the car, picked me up, and locked me in my car crate. I wasn't sure where she was taking me, but it didn't matter.  I hate car rides and I hate crates.

When we finally got to our destination though, it wasn't so bad.  Turns out we were going to visit the veterinarian at the Alexandria Animal Hospital.  

For whatever reason, this photo WILL NOT show up portrait. Sorry!

The best part about the vet's office is that it is full of other dogs!  While we waited for my appointment I got to play with Teddy, a bulldog whose face is fun to paw at and bite.  Dr. Bartl (my vet) was also very nice. She didn't rough house with me, but she gave me treats and pets and scratches.  She also cleaned my ears and gave me my distemper shot, but that wasn't so bad.  Not as bad as her mechanized scale/table that makes a loud noise as it comes down to the floor for you and then another loud noise and rising motion once you've been coaxed to stand on the platform! I tried to jump off, but Alicia and Dr. Bartl wouldn't let me.  Soon enough, we were done and it was time to go home.  Which meant getting back in the car, in the crate, which I hate!

When we got home, more bad things were in store.  After lunch, Alicia took out the vacuum cleaner.  Now, as you know, I'm a dog. Dogs do not like vacuum cleaners.  At first, when she put my dog bed and string bone in the crate, I thought Alicia was trying to rescue me from the evil vacuum by locking me inside the crate with my favorite possessions.  I was ever so grateful for the protection.  Then she finished cleaning and left me there.  For thirty minutes total!  It was agonizing.  She clearly didn't think so though.  She filmed this video, which I'll be submitting as evidence in my case against the torture of crates (and don't feel like you have to watch the whole thing, it's long and I'm just crying and digging my way out):

Thankfully, after I gave in to my confinement and total despair, she finally let me out and rewarded me with a walk and some frozen green beans (my favorite!).  She put me back in tonight when her and Matthew went out for a few hours.  They'd read that I would cry and then give up and go to sleep.  But I am strong-willed and cried and dug the ENTIRE four hours they were gone.  It was so bad, they got a series of texts from the neighbors who were concerned.  Just as I'd planned, they cut their evening short and came home to rescue me.  This crate doesn't stand a chance.

And those are a few of my LEAST favorite things. 

*I don't know who "they" are.

1 comment:

  1. Ms. Manute, you are seriously my favorite new blogger. I always look forward to your new posts! In this one, I especially like your vision statement ("I see myself kind of like the great escape artist, Houdini. Lock me up and throw away the key. I'll get out! And then I'll pee on the floor") and your reminders, at key points, that you are indeed a dog.

    Sorry about the crate business, though...