The Case of the Couch Snuggler

I'm a dog.  Last week, it seems that someone broke into our house in the middle of the night!  I'm not sure how I missed the perpetrator, but when Alicia came downstairs in the morning, here's what the couch looked like:

Cushions, blanket and pillows askew.

Alicia tried to question me, but I was sound asleep, just like I was through the whole night...

See how tight my eyes are closed? I didn't see anything!

Wouldn't you know it, the "Couch Snuggler" struck again the next night:

Same destruction patterns.

Sadly, I slept through the home invasion again.  No witnesses.  No suspects.

Then, on Sunday afternoon, while Alicia was cleaning the closets, the "Couch Snuggler" struck again.  This time, Alicia was able to get a blurry photograph of someone leaving the scene:

Unidentifiable suspect.

Due to the poor quality of the photograph, it is unclear whether the "Couch Snuggler" is a cat or possibly even a cow.  One thing is for sure: I will keep a lookout to make sure he/she doesn't strike again!

Gimme the Keys...

I'm a dog.

I'll drive!

I. Love. Chair

I'm a dog.  After months of convincing (read: me hopping up when Matt or Alicia would go upstairs and positioning myself to look really cute when they came back downstairs), I was finally given permission to be up on the furniture.  Or at least the armchair in the living room, which Alicia got for $5 back in college.  It has a fairly hideous large floral print which was only recently covered over with a bland also fairly hideous slipcover.

Permission was granted last week after I slept there soundly while Matt and Alicia were out at a cocktail party and Auntie Sarah "puppysat" me while snoozing on the couch.  They thought it was just too cute to continue denying me this simple pleasure.

My first "legal" chair sit. Still not sure if I'm about to be told "No!"

Since then, I've become quite comfortable on my chair, choosing to sleep on it most of the day.  At first, I didn't even want to play or eat.  I just wanted to lay on my chair.  Now that I'm sure they won't take it away, I've gotten back to playing, and also to really making it my own.  They took away the pillow and covered the chair with a free fleece blanket Matt got at a baseball game.  I've covered that blanket with fur.

This was taken yesterday afternoon.  See how comfortable
I've become in such a short time?

I can tell you were laughing at me in that last picture.

As you can see, I was getting quite comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, that I decided I would make a few of my own changes to the chair last night while Alicia and Matt went out to dinner.

That cushion was just too cushiony. 

So I unzipped the slipcover and chewed off some stuffing.

Matt and Alicia seem disappointed in my changes.  They came in, gasped, and just started cleaning up.  I was laying on the floor, showing them my belly, but they were too focused on the cushion to notice.  I went over to lick their faces while they cleaned up, but they didn't seem to like that either.  Oh well.  I was just trying to make some positive change and embrace my new-found freedom of chair and no crate when they leave for short stretches.

They managed to put everything back together, so to the outside observer, everything looks the same, but I heard them mention something about me needing to be in the crate when they go out from now on.  Oops!  At least I'm still allowed on the chair.

Cat, it's a Kitty Cat...and it Meow, Meow, Meow

I'm a dog.  Today, Alicia and I traveled to New Jersey to spend the weekend with some friends and family.  I was excited to come because it meant a car ride (Yay!) and also that I'd have another opportunity to meet some cats.  Some kitty cats.



As I think I previously mentioned, Alicia's parents have 4 cats. FOUR CATS!  I keep trying to meet them, but they always seem to have something else to do that they're running off to.  Alas.

But today, I got to meet one up close!  It was Willow(brook).  Here's a quick photo Alicia was able to capture as I approached her.

I put my face in her face. She hissed in my face.  I started sniffing her face and getting in closer.  She hissed again. I kept sniffing. Then she hissed and swatted at me.  But before her swat could connect, I bopped her on the head.  It kind of looked like this:

[via] 

I've Been a Bad, Bad, Girl

I'm a dog.  I'm still on "vacation" at Gerri's house (where we had an earthquake earlier this week and today a hurricane!) while Alicia and Matt are soaking up the sun on their own vacation.  They've both been missing me a lot while they are away.  They called and texted Gerri to check in on me and she's told them how I've been playing "incessantly" and how I'm having such a good time.  I've been having such a good time with so many other dogs to play with that I've hardly even noticed that they aren't around!

But since I know they're feeling like they need a little Molly in their lives, and since I'll bet you do too, I'm going to share some photos that Alicia snapped of me weeks ago before promptly forgetting they existed.  Something tells me that seeing them now will both melt her heart and remind her that I'm not always perfect.

Alicia looked up from her computer, and there I was trying to
make myself comfortable on the chair. Where I'm not allowed.

If I can't see her, she can't see me!

Oops!  Pillow fell.  Maybe if I don't make eye contact.

She walked over and put the pillow back.  Still no eye contact.

Welp, she's got me now. Time to get down, I suppose...

But who wants to leave a blog post thinking about a badly behaving dog?  Not me!  So here's one of me sleeping peacefully on the living room floor...

I Made Ate My Bed and Now I Have to Lie in It

I'm a dog.  I ate my bed.

Matthew and Alicia left Saturday morning to go to the beach and they forgot to bring me with them.  They put me in the kitchen while they went to run some things to the car and didn't come back.  I can only assume it was an honest mistake and that they meant to take me with them.  Once they realized what they'd done, they sent Ben over to take me out and play with me while they were gone.  I like Ben.  But when he came over in the afternoon that told me one thing: Matt and Alicia were not coming back until tomorrow.

They'd left me in the kitchen with some food, water, my toys, and my bed.  I wasn't hungry or thirsty, and I wasn't really in the mood to play, so I decided that I might as well make some adjustments to my bed.  So, while Ben was doing his own thing, I very carefully opened the zipper.  I didn't want to hurt my bed, just take out some stuffing.  It seemed just a bit too fluffy.  Alicia's always doing projects around the house, so why shouldn't I?

Once I had the zipper open, I proceeded to pull out the inside.  I ate some of it.  The rest I just pulled out and/or tossed around.

Ben found me. He took the next two pictures.

That's me in the forefront; Bed stuffing in the rear.

See all that white wrapped around me? That's the inner mesh
case that holds (held!) the stuffing. Outside is fully intact!

Ben called Matt and Alicia to tell them what happened.  They shook their heads and laughed.  I heard them through the phone.  I thought they would rush right home and apologize for abandoning me, but they did not.  Then, when they got home all they did was look at the bed and laugh some more before putting the bed back in my crate.

Originally, Matt and Alicia were going to make me continue to sleep on my now 2/3 full bed.  But, they were worried that seeing my destruction (Ben has nicknamed me Molly Mayhem!), I'd decide to pick up where I left off.  And I can't blame them.  I was planning to do just that.  

Anyway, they bought me a new bed.  A blue bed! 

Snuggled in my new bed.

I may even eat my new bed.  Only time will tell.

The Evil at the End of My Butt

I'm a dog.  I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I've recently made an alarming discovery.  There's something at the end of my butt.  It's long and white and waggy.  And I think it's following me!



So, hide yo' kids...hide yo' wife, cause it's chasin' every puppy in here.

Even More New Friends (and a Gender Debate)!

I'm a dog.  I can't believe how many people love me and want to be friends with me!  Last night, two of Alicia's co-worker friends came by the house.  I was a little upset that they didn't invite me to trivia with them, so I got back at them by nibbling their toes and licking their feet.  Something tells me they'll remember to invite me next time.

Contrary to my first impression, Erin and Kelley aren't twins.
They just dress alike and have red hair. Works for me!

One thing we don't have a picture of, however, was me showing them my "fit through the cat door" trick.  Alicia told them the story and they looked at the cat door and said "No way! She can't possibly fit through that!"  So of course, they had to see.  Erin put me in the kitchen (luring me in with fresh water - gets me every time) and then opened the cat door.  Heck if I didn't squirm through that door in seconds flat.  Kelley was shouting "You're not a cat!" and Erin was laughing.  I think that means they were impressed with my skills.

Erin questioned why, if I was a girl dog, I had a blue collar.  Alicia told her that, believe it or not, they will sell blue collars to people who own girl dogs.  Who knew?  Girl dogs aren't restricted to red, pink and purple.  It's the 21st century.  Dogs can wear any collar they want!  Erin isn't the first one to be puzzled by the blue collar though, it's actually a common source of confusion.  People come up to me, see the blue collar and assume I'm a boy, saying things like "He's such a cute dog!" "He's a puppy!" etc.  Then they either ask my name or I flip over onto my back to request a belly rub and their reaction is something akin to "Wha???? Oh, it's a girl."  It's funny, because boy dogs never seem to have a problem figuring out that I'm a girl.  They come over, sniff and then try to mount me.  I know I'm cute, but boys, please.  Some manners!  Take me out for a dog biscuit first.  

Anyway, all of this gender-bending had me thinking about a cool story Alicia read and told me about, called The Story of X and that got me thinking about the "Real-life Baby X" and how people are getting so bent out of shape about not knowing whether someone else's child is a boy or a girl.  And I know this is a light, fluffy blog where people come to look at cute pictures and read funny stories, but I'm going to get a little deep right now.  What does it matter whether I'm a boy or a girl?  Aren't I cute and playful and sometimes well-behaved no matter whether I'm a boy or girl?  Aren't my ears just as soft? My spots just as cow-looking? I think so.

And all that reminds me that today a man said I was so good looking that I was "movie star dog" good looking.  He complimented my markings and my brown ear and otherwise stark white coat.  Alicia thanked him and gave a little laugh (because people are always randomly coming up to her and saying what a looker I am) and he said "No, I'm serious. That's a good-looking dog."  I'm a dog.

Oops!...I Did it Again

I'm a dog. Remember how I last posted about my escape from the kitchen?  Well, after Matt and Alicia upped the pressure on the gates I could no longer push my way through.  Luckily, I've figured out how to open the cat door and squeeze myself through...
 

My dramatic reenactment of the escape.

And it was a good thing I got through, because on the other side of the gate there was a canvas bag full of plastic baggies that I could tell needed to be dealt with.  They hadn't learned their lesson from when I chewed up their box and threw them all around the room.  So I had to do it. Again.

You mess with me, you end up like these bags.

All of this destruction makes a puppy tired.

All in a day's work, I guess!

Seriously, Don't Fence Me In

I'm a dog.  A couple of weeks ago, Matt and Alicia bought some pretty tall dog gates to keep me in the kitchen. I'm happy to report that though it took me a few weeks, I've escaped their evil clutches.

While Alicia was away during the day leading her Hunger Games camp (ask her more about this) and Matt went into the District for work, I was trapped in the kitchen.  I wasn't yet ready to escape, but I used this time to plot and plan.  It was after camp that Alicia made her fatal mistake: coming home to shower before going out to Target.

It was during this quick trip home that I was able to analyze the gates from both sides and finalize my plan.  Here's what Alicia saw when she arrived home...

I greeted her at the door.
This clued her in that something was amiss.

She quickly noticed I'd pushed out the bottom
of the pressurized gate from the doorway.

She then turned her attention to the living room.

I'd attacked the box of plastic bags they use to pick up my poop.
The shredded box lay around the room.  Bags strewn every which
way. I also took (but didn't chew) a pillow off the chair.

I also chewed the sticky papers off the lint roller and nibbled
on the plastic handle/holder. Note one of the many piles of
plastic baggies and shredded cardboard box.

Finally, I removed Alicia's backpack from the chair and also
took my little travel backpack (holds my orange ball, extra
baggies, house keys, etc. when I go for walks) off its hook.

And that's all she wrote.  I left the furniture alone.  I didn't bother eating the magazines on the coffee table.  The handwoven basket, woven placemats and remote controls were left in their places undisturbed.  This wasn't about destroying Matt and Alicia's things.  This was about escape...and exacting revenge on the box of poop baggies, which have always had it out for me.

Mission: Accomplished*.

*Matt has since extra-tightened the pressure on the gates, and I haven't been able to escape a second time. Yet.

Been Caught Stealing

I'm a dog.  As you know, I eat dog food.  This week, while Matt went out to play golf and Alicia went to school to do some work, they confined me to the kitchen.  They gave me toys to play with and I had a fresh bowls of water, but what I really wanted was a snack.

Each morning, Alicia or Matt measure out my food for the day (which is now a mixture of Avo Derm and Nature's Recipe puppy formulas), put it in a gallon size ziploc bag and shake it up.  Then I get half (about 1.5 cups) for breakfast and the other half for dinner.  I usually eat dinner between 6 and 6:30, but I'm a dog and I can't read a clock.  So while Matt and Alicia were out, I decided that it must be dinnertime, and they'd just forgotten.

I managed to get my paws up on the counter and somehow get a hold of the bag of food.  Then I chewed through the plastic and dug in!

What Alicia found when she came home.

Of course, it was too early for dinner (which I realized after scarfing down most of the food), so I made sure to leave some for later.  Dog food is really filling.

What was left.

What Matt and Alicia don't get is why I went for my food, while my Nylabone chicken bone (aka best.toy.ever) sat on the counter untouched.  I'm also usually such a slow eater (take a few nibbles, drink a few laps of water, look around the kitchen, maybe walk around a bit and repeat), that stealing kibble hours before dinner just didn't make any sense to them.

I have my reasons.

I'm not sharing them with you, of course, but I have my reasons.

Back to Reality

I'm a dog.  Yesterday, we came home from our first family vacation to Cape May.  I had such a great time and didn't want to leave.  I asked Matt if he wouldn't mind just leaving me in the house with the toys and propping the backdoor open so I could play in the yard.  He didn't go for it. Oh well.

Now that we're back and there's a better Internet connection, I can post some videos Matt took of my first time on the beach!

Getting My First Taste of the Beach...


Taking the Plunge (and quickly running away)...


And here are a few other photos Matt and Alicia snapped of me enjoying our beach vacation.

Made in the shade on the bay beach. Note the hole I dug
under Alicia's chair, where I liked to lay my head.

Sopping wet after Matt hosed me down. I did NOT like it.

A new ear style I tried out.

Snoozin' in the yard. I love the yard. I miss the yard.

Caught snoozin' where I shouldn't be. Oops.

I had such a great time.  It was so hard to leave.  Literally.  I made it very difficult.  I refused to get in the car, and Matt had to pick me up and put me in my crate.  I'll miss the sand (which, incidentally, I have discovered is NOT edible) and the sun.  I'll miss the yard and the dog toys.  I'll miss sneaking onto the chair in the front room.  Most of all, I'll miss spending all day with my humans.  Is it too soon to go back?

Thank you, Aunt Nancy, for making our first family vacation possible.

Worthwhile Websites: Animals Being Dicks

I'm a dog.  I'm not one to talk negatively about anyone.  That's mostly because I want everyone to love and play with me, and I don't want to jeopardize that.  But sometimes, animals do sneaky things. Sometimes they pull pranks.  Sometimes they get so excited that they accidentally knock down small children.

And that's why the website Animals Being Dicks exists.

Don't Fence Me In

I'm a dog.  I like to run free.  Tonight, for the first time, and just by happenstance, I met up with a bunch of my neighbor dogs (including my best friend Moxie) at the end of my early evening walk.  We tumbled around, pawing each other, jumping and biting faces, and just had a great time.  I wore myself out so much that I didn't even make it to my bed before collapsing in a heap.

They shaved my belly for surgery last week, so it's still growing back.

So far, I haven't met a dog (or human) that I don't like.  And everyone seems to like me too!  My only complaint is that while the other dogs were allowed off-leash, Alicia held tight to me the whole time.  I think she doesn't trust me yet.  And what have I done to deserve that? Nothing.

Except for maybe all of my hijinx over being confined at night and when they go out.

Speaking of which, Matt and Alicia upped the ante today.  They're going to take a break from crate training (yes!) because I am so afraid of the crate I won't look at it or go anywhere near it and if Matt or Alicia go towards it, I run and hide.  I had hoped maybe that would mean I'd get to roam free at night, pooping and peeing as I saw fit.  Instead, Alicia went out and purchased two 41" Extra-Tall Walk-Thru Pet Gates to barricade the kitchen.  These things are tall. Extra tall.

Think I could fit through the cat door?

Yeah, that's pretty tall.

We're talking taller than the kitchen counters tall.  If I can't figure out a way to push them down, I'm going to be sunk.  No more late-night partying for me.

I think I must've partied too hard last night.  Between pooping and peeing on the carpet and throwing up just as Alicia came downstairs, I was a mess.  Then we went outside and I threw up four more times.  It was not good. I spent the morning and into the early afternoon feeling very lethargic, refusing to eat or drink and just laying down on the grass went we went outside.

Sleeping puppy sleep and dreaming puppy dreams.

Matt and Alicia were worried and kept saying things like "poor puppy" and "think we could get her into the crate now?"  And don't think I didn't hear them giggling over my intense dreams that had my paws twitching and mouth huffing every once in a while!  Anyway, I think the sickness was due the distemper shot I got at the vet's yesterday.  Luckily, I seem to be fully recovered now.  I perked up around 2pm and so glad I was feeling better for my early evening romp with the neighbor dogs.  Next time, I hope Alicia let's me run free.

You Can't Stop Me; You Can Only Hope to Contain Me!

I'm a dog.  I like my bed*.

I don't like my crate.

I put up with the crate the first night.  But last night, I plotted my escape.  After Matt forced me inside (there was no way I was going in there willingly!) and gave me my Kong, I proceeded to cry.  I wish someone had been filming it, because my performance deserves as Oscar.  I cried so loud and so long that Matt and Alicia had no choice but to take me out of the crate and barricade me in the kitchen for the night, or suffer the wrath of neighbors with crying babies and howling dogs.

Once in the kitchen I snuggled into my bed and went to sleep like a good girl.  When Alicia came down this morning I was waiting for her, tail wagging and ready to go outside for my morning walk.  When Matt and Alicia left for work, instead of forcing me into the crate, they put me back in the kitchen...just as I had hoped! My plan was working.

You see, last night, I was too tired to do anything about being trapped in the kitchen with baby gates blocking my every chance at freedom.  But this morning, with a good night's sleep, morning walk, some kibble, and a few laps of water, I was ready to plan my escape.  When Alicia got home from the middle school graduation at around 11:30, I was there to greet her at the door. Boy was she surprised to see me!  The gates were still intact, but there I was, on the outside.  She couldn't believe it and even called Matt to see if maybe he accidentally put the gates up without putting me in the kitchen.  No such luck.

Determined to get to the bottom of things, she opened one of the baby gates and called me into the kitchen.  She had food, so it was hard to resist.  Before I knew it, she'd trapped me inside again, and then climbed over the baby gate.  Fooled!  Then she waited on the couch in the living room and watched me cry and beg for her to let me out.  But she wasn't budging.  There was no way I was going to stay cooped up in the kitchen while she sat on the couch with her hands (that should have been giving me pets and scratches) on her hips.  So, I did what any self-respecting dog would do...

I scaled the gate.  Yup.  I climbed it, and toppled myself over.  Sure, I landed on the ground with a big thud, but then I was free! Free!  FREE!

But maybe I shouldn't have done that, because I overheard them talking about picking up a large crate for me tonight.  Oops.

*A gift from my dogmother, Aunt Amanda!